CONFLICT RESOLUTION & RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT...
Appropriate Resolutions for life’s relationships.
VALUES AND RELATIONSHIP
Did the clerk at the grocery store truthfully make an error when he gave you change for a ten after you gave him a twenty? Did the leaders at Enron lie, cheat and /or steal? Did President Bush or Prime Minister Blair really believe that weapons of mass destruction existed and threatened their respective countries? Did 'whoever' really change their story or did I mis-understand their words or intent? "Whether the people in my examples acted honestly or ethically or not may never be known; whether their value system was or is consistent with yours and mine, whether you believe that they were involved in ‘wrong doing’ depends on values; yours and theirs. When standards and principles differ, relationships are often put at risk.
Regardless of how people behave, how they view the world, how they react and respond to what goes on in their 'worlds,' they are always motivated by fundamental values. To the colleague who said to me on one case, "Jennifer has no values or scruples…," I answered that "having no apparent values or scruples also signifies that an underlying and unknown value system is in play; one you and I may not be sympathetic to or agree with."
Values can motivate a war, or they can enable peaceful co-existence between nations as they do between people. Any person’s relationships will ultimately depend on their values, conscious or unconsciously demonstrated through their actions. Values will determine how well she and he will 'work and play' with others.
When it comes to conflict and relationship, most people seem to not be aware of the values which, in the moment of crisis, are affecting their behaviour…and those relationships. Ultimately, when it comes to engaging someone in a functional conflict management process, our ‘relational values’ in respect to those with whom we disagree will decide how much effort we will devote to the process of maintaining, building, and/or re-building the relationship. 'Really caring or not' becomes then the relevant question.
“IT WILL BE A WASTE OF TIME”
“Trying to get her to change her behaviour will be a waste of time.” These are the words from Beth, a conflict resolution student who had attended a program I taught several years previously. During this casual conversation, she was speaking about a challenging situation she was experiencing as a member of a regional team in a large national public sector organization. The issue had to do with a member of her ‘team’ who my colleague described as "difficult to get along with, manipulative and fundamentally dishonest." "After all," she told me, "everybody on the team had a similar experience with the team-member in question." ...more about values...
ABOUT Conflict... What conflicts look like…
Disputes … WHAT DO DISPUTES LOOK LIKE, and how do people react or respond when conflicts escalate into disputes? (the many faces of conflict),.
CONFLICT RESOLUTION TIPS AND GUIDELINES: Strategies and behaviours for you to apply when in conflict.
CONFLICT CHRONICLES: Original stories by Joseph Ravick with a common theme. The chronicles feature real-life conflicts describing the people, their relationships, and the outcomes which they experienced whether they liked it or not.