Appropriate Resolutions for life’s relationships.

“Margaret’s Story” continued.

     Margaret’s problem was that 'the children', by now having grown into teenagers, needed more support financially and for guidance and direction. From her perspective, Jason was living the 'good' life while she was struggling from day to day, working hard to give them the life they deserved, all without the promised additional support from Jason.


Conflict speed bumps are opportunities; but only of you make them so!


       We expect something from somebody and we wait, and wait, and wait some more; but nothing happens; we then feel betrayed or if the issue isn’t that important, at least ‘miffed’; chances are that in both situations, trust has been broken and needs mending (IF the relationship is important). We always have choices; to escalate or not; to resolve or conflict; to begrudge or to forgive. There are many reasons why people choose their destiny with the bottom line being that if relationship is important, people will curb their compulsions and focus on what's important to the relationship; basically shifting from self to self and other.


So what ARE your options if you care about the relationship?


· Reflect on whether you or other(s) may have misunderstood the words of any agreements containing commitments; it could be about intent, an outcome envisioned, or the process leading up to an outcome. 

· Reflect on whether you made a commitment which fell through the cracks.

· Build a bridge to the 'other(s), with or without help, IF you value the relationship.

· Collaborate to reach a mutual understanding first about the commitment, then about the common 'misunderstandings, and finally about any 'needed' remedies and the common future. Agree to disagree without blame or judgement if such is necessary to maintain the 'bridge'.


       Most often in my experience, people want, at the very least, an overt acceptance of responsibility for triggering words or behaviours. If you blew it, take responsibility; but if they blew it, be forgiving and collaboratively make plans to actualize any commitments within a specific time-frame; forgive and let go (forgive & forget). Don't try to punish the other for past 'ills'; instead negotiate a detailed commitment for the future.


What did Jason and Margaret mis-understand…or avoid?


Jason: how seriously Margaret took his commitment re additional support; how he actually felt about giving additional support when he already felt he was "…giving Margaret more than she deserved." The impact on Margaret's approach to him if or when he didn't offer the additional support she expected; and finally, how he was going to come up with the resources, including the money, given that he already had a new family to support.

Still more about “Commitments”...

Text Box: “COMMITMENTS” continued

Website table of contents  and Joseph Ravick …  links to what’s on this site and who I am.

ABOUT Conflict...  What conflicts look like…

DisputesWHAT DO DISPUTES LOOK LIKE,  and how do people react or respond when conflicts escalate into disputes? (the many faces of conflict),.

COMMUNICATION & CONFLICT  Definitions, terms, jargon

CONFLICT RESOLUTION TIPS AND GUIDELINES: Strategies and behaviours for you to apply when in conflict.

CONFLICT CHRONICLES: Original stories by Joseph Ravick with a common theme. The chronicles feature real-life conflicts describing the people, their relationships, and the outcomes which they experienced whether they liked it or not.